What Happens When Women Take the Helm?

I went from having no friends outside my family to finding some of the most amazing women I've ever known.  It all happened on the water.  I am typically shy and shut down in groups.  At work, after getting seriously yelled at and cornered in my cubicle, I strived to be as invisible as possible.  I’ve had a few jabs in the back and I didn’t really think I could ever have a safe female friend.  So, I’ve always played it safe by hanging out with my family.  We get along fabulously, which is truly a blessing.

So now I have women, (outside of family) who I know have my back.  They are very supportive on and off the water.  I feel safe around them and I can truly call them my friends.  They're fun, funny, friendly, and fierce.  And I learn from them every single time we're together, on land or water.

Who needs sun when you've got rain gear and good friends?

So, What Happens When Women Take the Helm? Magic.

I've sailed with men, mostly my husband.  He’s a great guy and a good sailor, but learning from him was not a productive experience for me.  I always felt inadequate and like I couldn’t do anything right.  I’m not saying that’s how it was, but that’s how I felt.

But the first time I sailed with an all-women crew?  Something shifted.  It wasn't loud or dramatic.  It was quieter than that.  A feeling, more than a moment.  Like walking into a room and realizing you can finally breathe.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  We motored around Belle Isle Bay, behind Ghost Island and up to Kingston Creek, where we dropped the anchor like it was nobody's business. Jumped in to cool off and floated about for a while. (I was still wearing my life jacket in the water back then.)

For me?  It was magical.

Palmer's Creek Paint Day

Here's the thing about sailing with women: nobody's trying to prove anything.  We're all searching for the same things: adventure, quiet, good food, great company and a safe place to drop the hook.

No one is trying to outdo anyone.  No silent competition, well, unless we’re playing cribbage.  We’re not afraid to ask for help.  Everyone shares what they know, spare parts, tips, tricks and no one makes you feel like you should have known it already or you should have had that in your tool / spare parts kit.

I've been that woman at the helm, gripping the tiller like my life depended on it, waiting for someone to tell me I was doing it wrong.  On the way back from Kingston Creek, the wind picked up.  We hoisted the sails. Guess who was on the tiller?

We leaned 15 degrees. I panicked and literally let go of the tiller and yelled, 'I can't do this.'

As the tiller flip flopped around, Duffy turned, looked me dead in the eye, and yelled: 'No.  You've got this.’

You know what?  I did, I just didn’t know it.  And somehow, that was enough for me.  Later, I looked in the cabin and was proud of the chaos I created inside the boat when we heeled while I was at the helm.

I did this!!

The Confidence You Didn't Know You Needed

There's a particular kind of magic that happens when women take the helm together.  It's not about being better than anyone.  It's about being allowed to be exactly where you are, beginner, nervous, learning unapologetically.

I went from "I can't do this!" to “Oh, I hope we get to do wing on wing up the reach.”  Not because I suddenly became an expert, but because other women simply believed I could.  That belief is contagious.

More Than Sailing

Yes, we learn boat stuff.  We learn to read the wind, to fend off the dock without panicking and find a safe hidey hole in uncomfortable winds.  But mostly, we learn that we're capable.  That our voices matter. Asking for help isn't a weakness; it's how women have always done things.  We bring snacks.  We bring stories.  We bring our fears and our hopes and our duct tape.  And magically, we always leave with more than we came with.

If You've Never Sailed with Women

Do it.

Find a crew.  Rent a boat.  Join a club.  Take lessons. Just get yourself on the water with women who will cheer when you catch your first mooring and laugh with you when you miss.  There's something transformative about that.  Something that has nothing to do with knots or navigation and everything to do with being unapologetically you.

The water has always been big enough for all of us.  But somehow, when women take the helm together, it feels like it's finally ours.  And that feeling?  It changes everything.

Your Turn

Have you ever sailed with an all-women crew?  What was it like?  Or if you haven't, what's stopping you?

Drop a comment below. I'd love to hear your story.